Category Archives: Video

Insanity in motion.

Walking. Walking? Walking!

Posted on by

For some time now, Porter has been walking. But not to the point that I would actually say that he was walking walking. Instead, it has been the kind of thing where he’ll pensively take a couple of steps, then decide that, at this rate, he could be lapped by a blue-haired granny a with walker, and he’ll drop to the floor and crawl at mach-5 to his intended destination – with strong odds that the destination is one of 5 places:

  1. The toilet
  2. The catfood dish.
  3. The power cord for the computer.
  4. The corner cabinet in the kitchen that cannot be secured with any type of child-proof device.
  5. The toilet.

And lord have mercy if he spots an open door to the outside world. There have been numerous occasions where we will have him perched on hip or arm, whilst tending to another activity, only to have him decide – with absolutely no warning – to lunge his entire body towards the open back door. I can say with all honesty, that I am not quite sure how he has made it this far without being fitted for a full-body cast.

Throughout this time of quasi-walking, he has been running himself through his own mini-training camp [cue Rocky theme song]: cruising laps around the coffee table, balancing on his feet and head, and attempting pull-ups on the oven door handle.

His hard work seems to have paid off, as not only is he walking with increasing coordination, but he is mastering distance and multitasking. In the most recent clip I caught of him, he saunters along while simultaneously eating a banana, and then toys with the idea of hiding it in the push-cart, before deciding to shove it in his mouth at the last minute. It’s pure Porter.

Everyone, may I officially present Porter walking.

The Facts

Posted on by

If you are curious as to where I have been, look no further than the following two faces:

porter

stella

My little angels: dipped in a vat of adorable, sprinkled with a fine dusting of mischief, and covered with a thousand kisses of what I can only describe as emotional volatility. And as such, I could go either way with this post. And so, perhaps it will be safest to just stick to the facts.

Fact 1: Stella stopped napping a little over two weeks ago. Finito. Kaput. Nein Nap. It snuck up on me in the fashion that most things do in my role as parent of a child who, I am sure, received the child equivalent of Special Ops training. The first couple of days it was no big deal – I’d work at it for a while, then eventually let it slide, (naively) thinking that she would just catch up the next day. Then came the next day. And the next. And the next. Right around day 5 or so, I began realizing that we had moved from minor deviation, to newly entrenched routine. Just. Like. That. And so here we are, entering week 3 of my complete and utter surrender. Barring some rare planetary realignment, my only real hope at this point is going to be getting her to chill in some pre-alotted down time, the trick being that I am able to keep her contained without a padlock. (Damn fire regulations.)

Fact 2: In light of Fact 1, I ended up having to stage a protest of my own. It had to do with that tiny little 30 minute window I had managed to carve out for myself during the household naptime. Once she decided to stage her napping coup, I was all of a sudden faced with having to relinquish the one and only time, other than my shower, wherein I am guaranteed an opportunity to do something by myself, for myself. And so it was that we sat down eye to eye, and I explained that come hell or high water, I was going to exercise and she was going to play quietly, and she was NOT going to bother me unless she, the house, or Porter were on fire. And I’m not talking about little fire either – I mean the sets-the-alarm-off kind of fire. It took her about one time of interrupting me (for the highly important task of finding a puzzle piece) to learn that it was NOT the equivalent of fire.

Fact 3: Porter down-shifted from throwing up to snotty, then changed lanes to teething. Yes, everyone, he is finally getting that errant 4th bottom tooth. I even think I have glimpsed a couple of purple bulges where some of those monster-molars are in the back. Ouch. It figures that just as we seem to be rounding a corner towards some reasonable night-time sleep schedules, he is going to begin monster teething again. Whatever. Sleep is for weenies.

Fact 4: Stella has become a human juke box. Out of nowhere, her song repertoire grew from Itsy Bitsy Spider and Twinkle Twinkle to an endless array of tunes about frogs and monkeys and space and days of the week. The other night in the bathtub, she was singing me a song that invoked one of the most amazing recall moments I have ever had. As she chirped along about the 5 little monkeys swinging in the tree teasing Mr. Alligator, I (from places in my brain that I didn’t even know existed) began singing along with her – even going so far as to remember how the tempo of the song slowed down as Mr. Alligator came along as quiet as can be, and he SNATCHED that MONKEY right OUT of that TREE!

Along with the laundry list of other titles she has committed to memory, there is the days of the week song. This song has been particularly important to her because she has really begun to latch on to how each of the days has relevance to her life – with the most important ones being Friday (because it’s the one day of the week where she gets to go into Grani K’s when I pick up Porter), Saturday and Sunday (because they are not school days). Each day she asks us what day it is, and then does her best to figure out where it lies in proximity to the High Holy Day of Friday. So, you can imagine how excited I was when she stopped singing this song as Thursday-Thursday,Thursday-Thursday, Thursday-Thursday, Thurrrsdayyyyyyy.

Fact 5: Porter is almost walking. This video isn’t all that great, but it gives a pretty good visual on his drunken-like stagger, and lack of any speed or direction control. Mostly he just plows forward as quickly as possible until he runs into something. He is a boy, is he not? At least that is what I am constantly reminded of each time I open his diaper and he does a man-jewels check. Yup, still there.

Fact 6: Each day, my life inches one step closer to maximum capacity. You tell me the time of day, and I can tell you exactly where I am. 7:24 am? I’m at the intersection of E & Buhne. 12:24 pm? I’m passing the homeless guy right by the Tomo Cafe. 3:24 pm? Surveying the fridge to make sure we have all the ingredients for dinner. 8:24 pm? Deciding whether I am going to sit down at the computer to make a blog post or go to bed. And round and round it goes.

Fact 7: There is no amount of busy or hectic that could ever outweigh the fun, the silly, the cute, the lovable. It’s a fact.

9 Month Porter: tongues, toilets, catfood, clapping

Posted on by

A big round of applause for our little McGoo, who has managed to make it – alive and healthy – to his 9-month birthday. And for that I congratulate all of us, as there were honestly some moments when I thought the earth was going to open beneath our feet and swallow all four of us in one giant gulp.

As I mentioned earlier this week, I am (naievely?) optimistic that we are finally moving from Chaos-Land into Settling-Down-ville. Stella really and truly seems to enjoy and appreciate Porter more and more every day, Steve and I realized that perpetual forward motion is the key to survival, and most importantly, I have finally come to the conclusion that if I don’t stop my bitching, the whiner police are going to come haul my kids away and give them to someone who completed the program in This is Parenting You Big Baby, So Just Suck it Up Already – a degree in which I apparently took an Incomplete.

There are quite a few little McGoo idiosyncrasies that I have been remiss in chronicling on these pages of late. Following is a a quick laundry-list of some of the charming qualities that make us scramble to be the first to say, “Um, yeah. He get’s that from your side.”

Behold the tongue thing.

porter

porter

porter

I’ve got about a million more where that came from. Think of it this way: The harder he concentrates, the more that tongue figures into the equation.

Then there’s the toilet and catfood thing. I have already mentioned his need to loiter in areas that keep him strategically positioned to bolt for either the bathroom or laundry room. I am not exaggerating when I say that he can be in the living room playing quietly, and the moment he hears that bathroom door open, he will drop everything and move at mach-5 to get there. 99.9% of the time we catch him. As for that .01% that we don’t, well, I think you can figure it out. Like, for example, last week while I was handling a Crisis Level 3 situation (untangling Stella from the mini-blinds) and someone stealthed his way into the bathroom. By the time I realized he wasn’t in the kitchen where I had left him, he had already managed to soak his entire upper body in toilet bowl water. As I raced in there to prevent him from taking a full-on swim, the look on his face as could fairly accurately be described as saying, “It’s exactly as beautiful as I’d imagined it. And, given the opportunity, I’ll do it again in a second, lady. Count on it.”

And, there is that thing about how he worships his sister, and can’t get out of earshot of her without nearly panicking. Now that he is moving under his own power he trails her like a shadow. And to my delight, she actually kind of indulges him. As she and I headed out to do some errands last week, I asked her if she wanted it to be just the two of us, or if we should bring Porter too. Without even considering it she said, “Porter has to come too!” I guess if I had someone worshipping my every breath I’d want to keep them as handy as possible too. As a testament to this wonderful (albeit temporary) sibling cameraderie, Porter unveiled a new trick to us last night, but now only will do it at Stella’s prompting. Before he decided that we weren’t worth his time, I managed to get a tiny video clip of it. The reason it gets so shaky (beware of motion sickness) is because I am trying to simultaneously hold the camera and clap my hands – something he will now mimic us (or, rather, Stella) doing. If you look closely, you’ll also see that tongue…

Porter wishing he had a set of cymbals.

And here’s a (dark and grainy) clip of Stella and Porter in a high speed chase scene.

————————————————–
And for those of you who need to update your flip-charts (and you know who you are, Judy Walston): 22 lbs | 27 inches | size/height: average | 7 teeth | chest: same | slight baby bowleggedness (absolutely common) | advised that sleep problems need proactive resolution, given name of new literary resource

Porter McGoo Turns 6 Months Old

Posted on by

Happy 6-month birthday, Porter!

I know that in the years to come, as you read through these pages it will probably seem like all I do is drone on and on about your sister and her antics, while only referring to you by names like Baron Von Cutenstein. Although this may be a tiny bit true, I know there are going to be many days in the years to come wherein I will tell the world about how you decided to bury the tv remote in a potted plant. Don’t worry, your day will come. In the meantime, feel good that all I can do is tell you how cute you are.

The fact is, you are becoming more and more independent every day, and – based on your agility of late – will be crawling quicker than I can say baby-proofing. I took a short video clip of you today and managed to catch some of my favorite things that I love most about you right now. Look closely and you’ll observe:

  • The cute noise you make when you chew (not suck) on your thumb.
  • Your fauxhawk.
  • The way you sit up by yourself without tipping over.
  • That frankenstein noise you make when you start to laugh.
  • That everything within an arms reach will eventually make it into your mouth.

Oh, and if those front teeth aren’t in by the end of the month, I am sure your dad will be on eBay ordering you up a pair. Not to mention, we are both tired of holding you up over our heads only to have you give us a huge smile while simultaneously unleashing a gigantic blob of drool onto our face.

Porter Video: 6 Months old