Of Royalty and Reptiles

Halloween this year had a slightly different tone for many reasons, one of them being that this was the first year that my mother did not meticulously plan and execute Stella’s costume. Instead she listened to Stella’s adamant request for CINDERELLA WITH LADYBUGS! and promptly purchased a pre-fab Cinderella get-up, and a bunch of iron-on ladybug patches and appliqués. Patches and appliqués that never got actually applied because, well, because that was my part of the process, and do I look like I have time to sew? Thankfully the dress/crown set-up was enchanting enough that she pretty much forgot all about the ladybugs. It also probably helped that I hid them.

And so she wore it, and wore it and wore it. She wore it so much that by the time the actual day of Halloween came around the dress was covered in grass stains and dirt and chocolate milk. And because of it’s high quality, it was recommended that it not to be washed, but to be wiped clean. Let’s just say that there was no amount of wiping that was going to make this thing whole again. Thankfully, she was agreeable to wearing the cape I made for her for Christmas a couple of years back. It worked on two levels: one was that she wasn’t forced to wear a dorky turtle-neck under her glamorous princess gown, but it also covered up a better part of the stains. We did have to make a trade-off on the orange leggings, alas.

Porter’s costume ended up being off the shelf as well, which is actually a smart course of action for a kid who, of late, can rarely can be counted on to be cooperative. Getting him into any kind of costume at all was a dicey proposition. This is a kid who has made it clear that he, and he alone, will decide when it is appropriate to change his diaper, get him dressed, strap him into a carseat, sit in a high chair, or pretty much anything else that we may be so presumptuous to suggest might be in his best interest. You can see now how I could do nothing but smirk when I picked up Porter from day care today and was told that he sat at the big-kid table for lunch today because – and I quote: “He would have it no other way.” Such diplomacy, those folks. It would have been complete folly on our part to hang our expectations on any kind of costume that required extensive energy or financial resources. And so you can see how the 50%-off, one-piece, one-zipper dino-getup was exactly perfect.

As luck would have it, he was fairly cooperative, and even kept the hood on throughout both outings: the Boo at the Zoo day, and the regular rounds to the Arcata Plaza. You will note, however, that in each and every photo from Halloween night, he refused to ever let his regal feet touch thine mortal earth. Every time Steve would so much as lean his weight forward – even hinting that he was going to put him down, Porter would respond with his usual bellow of protest. As for the sucker, it was the only way we could keep him occupied enough not to dump the entire contents of his trick-or-treat bag – which he tried to do several times.

And now the yearly ritual of establishing the exponential rate of candy disappearance.

stella steve porter
(click photo to see the full set)

We’s gittin’ squarsh

Amongst other things, we managed to squeeze in a trip to the pumpkin patch over the weekend. It was pretty much a repeat of last year, excepting the fact that instead of Porter being carried around in the backpack without a coat on, this year he spent the majority of the time running around without any shoes on. About all we are missing is a family member named Cleetus, and a hound.

Personal Ad

Single White Toddler Male seeking companion who doesn’t need much sleep. Must enjoy being ordered around, and be physically capable of carrying 25-27 pounds for extended periods of time. Must be tolerant of miscellaneous dependency issues such as (but not limited to), security blanket, thumb-sucking, and a mild-to-moderate dry cereal and granola bar addiction. Although I am both height challenged and lacking in fine motor skills I refuse to employ the use of any sort of high chair, booster seat or tippy cup. Other quirky habits include refusing to sit down in the bathtub, eating things I find on the ground, playing in toilets and throwing up without warning (although I do this much less these days). I am totally into horses, although I refuse to actually touch one – however, I will require that you haul me out to the fence numerous times throughout the day and stand there while I look at them. I have been told that I am a really good dancer, and I am able to run really really fast – usually when no one is looking, and usually towards places I have no business being. I am wicked cute, but do have some anger issues. And watch out, because I have 16 teeth and I am not afraid to use them. Oh, and I can identify all the major parts on my body, just be careful when you ask me to identify your eye, because I will probably jab my finger in it. There will probably be some language barriers, but I do know all the animal sounds and can easily identify my Mama and Dada. For everything else, I will just point and yell. And when that doesn’t work, I will use my chubby little fingers to grab your hand and drag you where I need you to go.

If this sounds like something you would be interested in, look no further because I’m your man.

porter