I hang this up on the days that she refuses to nap and pretend she is really sleeping.
The many food moods of Stella
Stella Martini
Stella Vlasik
Stella Redenbacher
Confessional: My Godfather(s)
One of my favorite humor writers, Sarah Vowell, wrote an essay about how when she was in college she had a secret addiction of watching The Godfather. She would sneak home between classes and pop it into the VCR, only to sit poised with the remote control ready to quickly turn it off in case her roommate walked in. She watched it repeatedly – sometimes just her favorite parts, sometimes the whole thing. It was a vice. A covert activity. She had taken something otherwise mundane and normal and, through her own insecure manipulations had made it NAUGHTY.
Today, when Steve got home from work he walked over to where I was planted on the couch (I know, it’s shocking) and craned around look at what I was viewing on the computer. My instinct was to cover the screen. He had caught me in a Godfather moment – correction – one of my Godfather moments. I actually have a couple of Godfathers: some sort of controlled substance that I secretly partake. And right now, it is Court TV’s Crime Library. I am addicted. For those of you who may not know, I have a long history in following tales of True Crime. There was a time in my life when my Saturday mornings were entirely dedicated to watching A&E’s complete line-up of crime and investigation programming. And as for Ann Rule – been there, done that.
I won’t even attempt to defend this twisted and morose interest I have in the seedy underbelly of our culture – the fact that I have read or watched something on just about every serial killer, mob boss and random crime of passion ever to plague society. That’s what makes it my Godfather. It is guilty and shameful, but I do it anyway. Who willingly admits that they actually seek out and read about other people’s pain and suffering? (Apparently, me.)
Aside from my secret fascination with true crime, I also read the gossip pages nearly every day, and have E! Online bookmarked. There’s a reason we don’t have big cable, people. I would need a 12-step program to get me off the E! True Hollywood Story, American Justice and VH1 Behind the Music.
I remember a number of years ago Dore gave me these books titled Hollywood Babylon. I read them cover to cover and then was left drooling for more. It was the perfect combination of both debaucherous Hollywood gossip and true crime. I scoured the internet for days, looking for more books just like them, but only found rehashes of the same thing and gave up searching, realizing that you can only really tell a story once, and that due to my voracious reading on the subject, I had seen it all before.
I mean come on – after all – it is a guilty pleasure, not an obsession. Right?
Be thankful I didn’t use exponents.
I dedicate this post to synergy – when 1 + 1 = 3.
Looking back over last week I realized that, although mildly interesting, nothing unto itself seemed all that mentionable. It was a regular week with the regular stupid stuff to deal with, and the regular daily data-dump I do in an effort to not let things have a cumulative effect. I like to think of it as my own little coping mechanism. However, when I actually took the time to do a data-recovery, and revisit events and activities that took place over the week, I realized the sum seemed at least a little bit more interesting than the parts. That, and the fact that this baby may actually not be sucking my life force as much, thereby giving me the energy to do something other than sloth around on the couch.
Let’s start with the fact that Rosie is back on shift work, apparently trying to help us make ends meet in the grocery shopping department. I apparently missed the announcement that as of Monday last week, the bounty on cute helpless birds was given a substantial increase. And as such, Rosie, brought in her quota of 1 dead bird per day. 5 days in a row. She then proceeded to get downright pissy with me when I would dutifully pack it up in a paper-towel coffin and ceremonially dump it in the trash can. She would yowl at me as if to say, “Um, Helllooo! That is mine! Get your own damn bird, you filthy human. Now pet me.” As punishment, she decided to call in “The Enforcer” who promptly sprayed our shower curtain. Our banishment-from-the-house strategy for Boris is currently being formulated.
As a parent, I have witnessed myself become about 10,000 times more aware of germs and disease and, as such, have become a walking Mayo Clinic Reference Guide. Last week we were exposed to a new and exciting ailment called Hand, Foot & Mouth Disease. Which only leads you to ask the question, “Who can take something called ‘Hand, Foot & Mouth Disease’ seriously?” I still can’t say it without thinking of the equally absurdly named Hoof and Mouth Disease (which, as I learned, is of no relation whatsoever.) Who thinks up these names? I envision that all the affliction namers from the affliction naming department were out on sick leave, and an under-aged, temp with a hang over was forced to take the helm. Not only is this name ridiculous, but it is misleading. Naming something as a disease automatically puts it in the “uh-oh” category. Diseases are things you have for an eternity, and involve treatment protocols, and have centers dedicated solely to their study. So, to call something a disease, when in all actuality it is really just a virus is just fueling the fires of germophobic mothers everywhere. Like we need that kind of abuse.
Then, as a part of our ‘Hood Watch Program, we got to witness some real live drug consumption right in front of our house! Nothin says ‘livin’ in the ghetto’ like a carful of guys having a little pharmaceutical fun with the windows down, yelling over the thumping loud stereo, smack in the middle of the day. It’s days like this that make me long for a cookie-cutter track home in a culdesac with a mini-van parked in every driveway.
The grand finale of our week ended with a two-for-one special: in a period of 1 hour we were blessed with both poop in the bathtub AND a huge, unsupervised crash echoing from the kitchen. I think the whole poop in the bathtub thing kind of speaks for itself. Stella bathed. And before she got out of the tub, Stella pooped. Steve “nothing grosses me out…ever” Walston was quick on the scene, while Natalie “everything makes me nauseous…and tired” Walston tried her best to take the drippy, wet, poopy Stella away from the crime scene without making a larger mess. After about 50 wipes and a do-it-yourself sanitation kit assembled by Steve to disinfect all of the bath toys, things seemed back to normal. Until, that is Stella was left unsupervised in the kitchen for about 6 and a half seconds in which time she managed to pull a couple of pasta plates off the counter and onto the floor. Yes it was loud. Yes, they broke. Yes, another call was put out on the PA System: “Steve, clean up, aisle 5.”
So as you can see: death + disease + drugs + poop + breaking noises = the nuclear family of the aughties.
Spicy Beef Salad
We have made this a number of times and by far, the most difficult part is cooking the meat just right. The trick is making sure your pan is hot enough, and that you do it in small batches. Other than that, it is quick, easy and very flavorful.
Adapted from Williams Sonoma’s Meat and Poultry
Dressing:
1 Tablespoon Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons soy sauce
3 Tablespoons rice vinegar
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1/3 cup olive oil
Salad:
1 Tablespoon dry sherry
1 lb. flank steak, sliced in half horizontally then cut into thin strips about 2 inches long and 1/2 inch wide
1 head escarole, cored (you could use just about any hearty lettuce – we use romaine)
1 bag spinach
4 Tablespoons peanut oil
2 red onions, finely chopped
1 Tablespoon peeled and minced fresh ginger (more, if you like it)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup corn kernels
1 Tablespoon soy sauce
chili oil or red pepper flakes, to taste
1 basket of Cherry, grape or pear tomatoes cut in half
In a small bowl, wisk together the mustard, soy sauce, vinegar, and salt and pepper to taste. Gradually whisk in the olive oil until blended. Set aside.
In a large bowl, combine the sherry and beef strips, tossing to coat evenly. Let stand at room temerature for 15 minutes.
Tear the lettuce and spinach into bite-sized peices. Place in a large bowl, add the dressing, and toss until evenly coated. Divide the greens evenly among dinner plates and set aside.
In a wok or large frying pan over high heat, heat 2 tablespoons of the peanut oil, swirling to coat the sides of the pan. When it is almost smoking, add the onions and ginger and stir-fry for 30 second longer. Transfer to a bowl.
Add another 1 tablespoon oil to the pan over high heat, again swirling to coat the pan. When the oil is almost smoking, add half of the beef strips and stir-fry until tender but still pink inside, 2-3 minutes. Be sure to distribute the beef evenly in the pan so it comes into maximum contact with the heat and cooks evenly. Transfer to the bowl holding the onion mixture. Repeat with the remaining beef.
Add the corn kernels and soy sauce to the pan over medium-high heat an dstir-fry until the corn is just tender, 1-2 minutes. Return the beef mixture to the pan and stir-fry to heat through, about 30 seconds.
Spoon the misture on top of the greens, dividing evenly among indivudual plates. Garnish with tomatoes. Drizzle with the chili oil (or red pepper flakes) and serve.
Serves 4 small plates, or 2 large ones