Dear Sweet-Child-Who-Is-Still-In-My-Womb-8-Days-After-Its-Official-Due-Date,

Firstly, I don’t blame you. I blame my body and its inability to realize that preganacy actually has an end point. It did the same thing with your sister who, after 42 weeks and one day finally granted her release from the warm confines of my uterus (but not without some hormonal enticement). Honestly, I just can’t figure out why my body isn’t leaping at the chance to regain shape, circulation and the ability to go a 24 hour period without getting a new stretch mark.

With that said, I need to address some logistical issues with you. You see, we have tickets to see Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me this Thursday and Easter Sunday is quickly approaching. Not only is your Grandma Dani here, but your Grandpa Bill and Grandma Judy arrived on Saturday. Additionally, your Aunt Celene and Uncle Thad are due for arrival this coming Saturday. So, if you could work it out with my body to either come right now, or sometime after Thursday, that would be great. Oh, and your dad is off work for the next two weeks also. But no pressure.

In the meantime, we are busy trying to keep your sister from becoming a 2-year-old dictator (considering there exists statutory prohibition in regards to children going to day care when grandparents are present). Getting her to stick to any kind of a schedule has been tenuous, at best. I am trying to think of, and address, every possible undone project or purchase that will require an act of congress to complete once you are born. I have also managed to spend the better part of the last week getting my ass kicked at Scrabble by your Grandma Dani. Oh, and speaking of your Grandma Dani – if she tells me I have “dropped” one more time I am going to kick her in the groin.

Today I go in for an ultrasound to make sure your swimming pool of amniotic fluid is still at reasonable levels, and then we will go in for a non-stress test wherein they will hook me up to the contraction-o-meter and the heart-rate monitor to make sure my body isn’t holding you in there against your will. For all I know you and my body have some agreement worked out wherein you have agreed to just chill out as long as necessary. I hate to break it to you, but ultimately, you are going to have to come out.

So, little one, all I can say is this: At most, you have a week. Live it up while you can, because a world of Walston awaits you.

Love,
Mama

Today officially began the first day of my maternity leave. I am now 3 days overdue with no clear end in sight. Not exactly shocking information. I am facing the realization that this child, much like Stella, will have to be forced from my womb at gunpoint.

My mother (1/2 of the Walston labor coaching team) is camped here for the long haul and we are now spending our days trying to pretend we aren’t tired of waiting for this child to SHOW UP ALREADY! I received four phone calls on my actual due date and have received at least 3 a day every day since asking me if I am in labor yet. And for any of you who are wondering right now: No, I am not in labor.

With rare exception, my daily diet includes every item on this list.

1. Oranges: Satsumas, Cara Caras, Ivanhoe Navels (breakfast, snacks)
2. Apples: Pink Ladies (lunchtime, with peanut butter)
3. Peanut Butter: Safeway Organic (breakfast, as sandwich)
4. Hot Dogs: Beeler’s All Natural (uncured) Pork Hot Dogs (lunch, without bun, with lots of mustard)
5. Sparkling Mineral Water: Crystal Geyser (at least 2 a day)
6. Almonds: Tamari roasted (lunch, snacks)
7. Sugar: However I can get it.

It’s kind of disturbing to see it all written down at once. I don’t know whether to be proud or embarassed.

If I stand too long my feet swell.

If I sit too long then try to stand up, my pelvis feels like it will explode.

What’s a girl to do?

Eat some Thin Mints and take a nap.

Official technical obstetric evaluation:
Pregnancy is now considered full term.

Size:
Officially reached the point where NO ONE questions whether or not I am pregnant.

Appetite:
Have now officially lost all ability to curb sugar intake – if it is within a 50 foot radius I will sniff it out and consume it; find myself needing snacks between snacks.

Weight gain:
No longer being reported to the general public.

Exercise:
If it would stop [explative deleted] raining, maybe I could actually go outside and take a [explative deleted] walk.

Patience and General Temperment:
Finding my ability to put up with crap at work decreasing at an exponential rate; patience with “inquisitive and energetic daughter” spotty and inconsistent; increasingly finding the need to surpress the urge to burst into tears.

Swelling:
Things that still fit comfortably: Wedding ring, earrings and hair clips;
Things that no longer fit with any amount of comfort: pretty much everything but my wedding ring, earrings and hair clips.

Biggest challenges faced each day:
Putting on sox and shoes, repressing the urge to want to nap all day, forcing myself not to go to bed before 8:00pm every night, trying hard not to act like a woman who is 37 weeks pregnant.

Motivation:
Getting to hold my new baby, kiss it on the forehead and let them know that they were worth every last moment of it.