Somewhere along the line, our renovations here at 111 took a very odd turn. We started so simple. From the wood-floor-over-wood-floor exercise to The Great Berry Abatement of ’07, and the gargantuan 2-piece built-in, plus the infamous Man-Shed, but that was not to be outdone by the Passion Vine & Cup ‘o Java Facelift. And on and on the list went. But then. Then came the Militia-Styled Turret, and the Ladder of Peril. Add this to the pre-existing concrete trip-hazard – otherwise known as our front steps – and you can see why we are going to hand all guests who enter our property a helmet and a liability waiver.

First, a little more background on our newest additions. We had earnest and thoughtful ideas when these more recent projects began. Honest, we did! The main motivation being that we wanted to expand the access to our topographically diverse property. Except that more times than not, when Steve – someone who terms his planning process as “organic” – begins work, you end up with the kind of projects that give building inspectors migraines.

So, first came phase I of what Steve has coined The Skywalk. It all started when we were in the midst some routine tree thinning. At some point after almost taking out a window in The Man-Shed, but before fully removing one of the trunks, I actually saw a lightbulb appear above Steve’s head – never a good sign. Next thing I knew it was a harried scrabble of wood and saws and tree logs and we ended up with this:

It’s about this time when I started writing the first draft of the liability waiver.

From there it has been this odd evolution of fits and starts that make no discernible sense to anyone other than Steve. Somewhere along the line I finally put my foot down and demanded he build railing on all the outcroppings and bridges-to-nowhere.

Let’s take a little tour, shall we?

First you encounter a haphazard set of steps that are only accessible to people under 5 feet tall (otherwise you smack your head on the turret platform.)

If you pay particular attention to the steps you notice that they are hanging onto the hillside with invisible tape.

Once you have successfully made it past danger level 1, you are ready for your grappling hooks.

From here you have to maneuver your way up through the ivy. I don’t know about you, but the thought of walking through something where you can’t quite see your feet is more than a little unnerving – not to mention it is uneven and steep. Bon Voyage!

Okay, so we have made it past the stairs of doom and the ivy incline, dodged the deer poop and have arrived at the rickety gangplank! Yay!

The “railings” (and yes that word is in quotes on purpose) are made up of various tree-cuttings that are screwed to the gangplank. He may has well have used popsicle sticks and thumbtacks.

Assuming you have made it down the gangplank (and didn’t fall headfirst into the ivy), you have now reached the genesis of this entire project: what I now refer to as The Turret (see photo #1). Take a moment to marvel in its wonder. And take note that if you wiggle your feet back and forth, it no longer wiggles with you. (You’re welcome.)

Oh, but you are not done! There is still more! Now you get to travel the most prized wing of the Skywalk. The bridge-to-nowhere-with-railing-only-down-one-side. I KNOW! Those poor folks who had to turn back at the stairs because they gave themselves a concussion – they will never experience this joy.

Sadly, that concludes our guided tour of the Skywalk. But don’t despair, there are more inexplicable and dangerous renovations and add-ons in our future. If Steve gets his way, there will be some sort of death-trapeeze between here and the big apple tree – or what I will affectionately refer to as Clause 3.7.

Please exit the way you came, or just jump off the end and scale your way back down the hill, making sure to avoid the hornet’s nest by the big Rhododendron. For the rest of you, shall we go visit the newly installed Ladder of Peril? Then follow me!

Annnnnnd, we’re here!

Take note that Stella voluntarily opted to wear her bike helmet…

This is the property directly abutting the back edge of our property. We have co-opted it as our own and have now become brazen enough to actually begin renovating. We have built trails and cleared brush, and then there is The Tree. We have always referred to as the Elephant Tree, and lore has it that it has been this way forever. From what the neighbors tell us, the kids that lived in this house 40 years ago used to play in it, and there are even old remnants of perches and pulleys. And now it has a ladder (aka Clause 3.8).

It is quite amazing how even though nestled back in the forest, from this vantage point you still have a filtered view of civilization.

Well folks, I guess that concludes our tour for today. I hope you have enjoyed yourself. Oh, and on your way out be sure not to miss the cow/deer/horse/dino (coworsdino) skeleton we have assembled from our various forest excursions! It’s a must-see!

And feel free to drop your helmet by the gate as you exit!