If we were to be graded this year on our ability to prepare and deliver birthday gifts in a timely fashion, we would be receiving a big fat F, as in ‘Frankly, You’re Incompetent’
So guess what, oh lovely Mother-in-Law of mine? Your proxy gift will maybe, hopefully, and with any kind of luck be delivered on your actual birthday. (We salute you, Mr. Overnight Shipping Inventor.) As for your real gift? Umm yeah, on backorder. And as for the sweet little video of Stella singing you Happy Birthday, followed by Porter’s screaming refusal to participate? That would be trapped on the camera because we opted to use the other video camera. The video camera that we just realized does not have the appropriate cabling to fit either one of our computers. See? Incompetent.
Basically, what I am saying here is that your stand-in gift might be arriving on time, and the only video I could retrieve is this one taken a couple of days back with Porter doing his Ramones version of the ABC’s.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Never would we give either of your an “F”. We, your loyal admirers would give you A’s: amazing, astonishing, amusing, animated, accomplished, and maybe amorous. Your proxy gift (which I love) has arrived and leads to a “weighty” mathematical poblem.: If one box of “Bug Bites” contains 10 servings of 130 calories each and I receive 6 boxes AND if one can of cream cheese frosting contains 14 servings of 110 calories each and I receive 8 cans and IF 40% of those calories are composed of fat, just how much weight will I gain in the next four weeks, presuming my metabolism is the same as the average moderately active post-menopausal woman?