…the temperature at which we must set our oven in order to attain an internal temp of 425°. The oven without a handle. The white oven that expertly matches the black dishwasher. The black dishwasher that excretes a hideous odor while running and leaves a silky sheen of soap all over the dishes. The black dishwasher that sits next to the fiberglass sink that sits next to the almond-colored refrigerator. The almond-colored, side-by-side refrigerator that was manufactured sometime in the early part of the 1980s, and keeps ice cream frozen to the consistency of fluffy chocolate yogurt.

If our old kitchen was Camelot, this one is surely the Nixon era…