We are finally getting to a point where we no longer fear an untimely death at the hand of our precious first born. Not that she is all that much more stable, but we at least have become a little more on the ball in terms of watching our backs. This was due to a couple of factors:

Education
We hit the books. In going back through the Walston Child-Rearing Library, we unearthed some of the books we had either purchased or been given way back when she first began to exhibit the ability to breathe fire, shoot nails from the palms of her hands and explode small animals with the sound of her voice. Then, of course, there was the Internet. As they say, misery loves company, and it was much to our delight that there are PLENTY of parents out there who have children who, apparently, all came from the same factory with the same warranty and fine print. The warranty that expires the moment they are born and is accompanied with the fine print that says simply, “NO RETURNS, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. EVER.”

Among other things, we learned that, developmentally, two year olds – much like 82 year olds – are creatures of habit. They like to wear the same outfits, eat the same foods, watch the same things on tv, follow the same routines, pretty much anything new needs to be run by committee first and be completed with 6 signatures before it will be even considered as a new addition to the daily routine. I think this is one of those things they call a lightbulb moment. Oooooohhhhhh, so that explains why – although her book collection rivals the county library – we have read the same 6 books for both nap and bedtime for going on a month now; and why whenever we try to dig something out of her closet that she is days from outgrowing, she stages an all out protest – complete with picket signs and chanting – chaining herself to her bed until we let her wear the striped fleece pants…for the 3rd day in a row; and why whenever we try to introduce a new DVD into the rotation she resists as though we have suggested she watch championship golf.

So then when we threw in the mother of all routine changers – a newborn – she had no choice but to kick it in to high gear – it’s all a matter of wiring.

The Back-off Factor
Steve and I came to the realization that we had to lighten up a little. In the name of raising a child that people actually want to be around, we tend to be fairly restrictive in what we let her get away with – something that has created way more distress than necessary. It became imperative that Steve and I do our best to fight our instinctive responses to quell Stella’s constant need to insist on playing with the algae in the backyard fountain, spend the better part of her outdoor time turning snails into hand lotion and chewing the covers off her entire DVD collection. Now, when she does something like RUB YOGURT ALL OVER THE FRONT OF THE KITCHEN CABINETS, we just ignore her until she is done, clean it up and ask her not to do it again. Because if there is one thing we have managed to learn is that discerning between impulse and attention-seeking behaviors is one of the key methods to keeping our sanity.

Learning her Tells
The impulsive and irrational components of Stella’s personality – or of any 2 year old – often make it hard to distinguish motive. Is this something she is doing because she just can’t help herself or is this something she is doing – knowing, full well, that it is the last thing she should be doing? Through some miracle of parenting, we have managed to gain some understanding on motive. She has developed some tells that make it much easier for us to decode her actions. It is as though some internal switch gets thrown and her voice changes, her energy level shifts and she begins doing everything while keeping direct eye contact with whichever of us is closest. This is the way we can tell whether she is biting us on the leg because the voices told her to or because she is purposely trying to make us want to pull our own hair.

Ultimately, this week gave us hope. And optimism. And the realization that if the day goes wrong enough times you eventually will just begin to laugh. And laugh, and laugh, and laugh we did.