So, it was right about the time that I was down on my hands and knees in Stella’s closet (you know, the one that – in all of her generostiy – she allows me to share with her) sniffing our clothes because I had caught a whiff of cat pee, that I realized my distain for our cats has reached a whole new level. This, along with the fact that while in the garage we also found two new places that our cats have taken the care to pee all over, has given me a renewed interest in revenge.

Some ideas I am playing around with:

• I could run the vaccuum cleaner nonstop, but the spillover effect of that would be that Stella would also be hiding in a closet.
• I could wrap their paws in tape, but that borders on sociopathic.
• We have considered just locking them out forever, but there is a whole host of downsides to that approach — one of which is that our neighbors would grow to hate us so much that they would want to burn our house down.
• Which leaves us with a conversation that Steve and I had the other day wherein he informed me that monitor lizards eat cats. (I know what you are all thinking – and NO, I didn’t prompt this line of questioning.) If I can find research substantiating the fact that they don’t also prey on curious and cute toddlers, we’re getting one.